Ben Stiller reprised his role as Michael Cohen for the Mar. 2 episode of “Saturday Night Live,” in which the late-night NBC sketch comedy series addressed the Congressional hearings of Donald Trump’s former lawyer. Former “SNL” player Bill Hader also dropped by to play Ohio’s representative, Jim Jordan.
“For any other president, this hearing would be the most damning and humiliating moment of their lives. But for Trump it’s just Wednesday,” said Elijah Cummings, as played by Kenan Thompson, leading into the hearings.
Stiller as Cohen said that “if it pleases the court” he would like to read a prepared statement he wrote, to which Thompson as Cummings reminded him this was not a court.
“I had some help from the guys who wrote ‘Green Book,’” Stiller as Cohen said to begin. “Thank you for inviting me here today to correct the record under oath. Of course, the first time I testified was also under oath, but this time I, like, really mean it.”
He went on to say that “Mr. Trump is a racist…but he’s also a con man and a cheat.” To prove his statements, Stiller as Cohen brought with him a copy of a check at Trump allegedly wrote to him for repayment of “hush money” to Stormy Daniels, as well as a “threatening letter” he sent to Trump’s high school “warning them not to release his SAT scores.” The latter was just a hand turkey drawn on legal stationary with a speech bubble that said “I’ll f—ing kill you.”
Stiller as Cohen admitted “for too many years I was loyal to a man when I should not have been,” saying “now I know how Khloe Kardashian feels.”
When Thompson as Cummings opened the floor for questions, Hader as Jordan was first up, calling Cohen a “lying piece of trash” and saying he was “so angry I couldn’t even wear a jacket today.”
Threatening to “pop off,” Hader as Jordan pointed out that Cohen has been working in “some of the sleazier circles for years” and asked “what other criminals and low lifes” he worked for. “I was the deputy finance chairman for the republican party,” Stiller as Cohen responded.
This was news to Hader as Jordan, who yielded the floor, only to have it returned to him so he “could continue digging his own grave,” as Heidi Gardner as Representative Jackie Speier put it.
“Mr. Cohen, why are we suddenly supposed to believe you now? You lied about Trump being a good guy; you lied about Trump not doing any crimes; you lied about — damn it, I’m doing it again!” Hader as Jordan said.
Also, Thompson as Cummings noted that he was “told I should tease this because it’s all anyone cares about anymore: Coming up a performance by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.” Ocasio-Cortez, this season, is played by Melissa Villasenor.
When asked if he had any final words, Stiller as Cohen admitted that “maybe I am not a good person — maybe I’m a liar, maybe I’m a fool, maybe I ruined hundreds of people’s lives.” There was no “but” coming, that was all he had to say.
Watch “Saturday Night Live’s” Mar. 2 cold open below:
“Saturday Night Live” airs live coast-to-coast Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET / 8:30 p.m. PT on NBC.